How to save when you're in a wedding

Monday, March 12th

Your best friend just asked you to be a bridesmaid. Of course you want to say yes, but can you really afford it? Whitney and Debbins break down the costs of being in a wedding and how you might be able to save. 


Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

We youngest children announcement caused the worst and always always is the worst times. What do people hate the word moist we talk about this like that that to me he's like as much as people hit the were moist of that noise. So loud whistle loud what's confusing here now is it smells really good in him and his because so Whitney is eating a peanut butter sandwich. And I love the smell it smells like. The to field trip in fourth grade executive order sandwich smuggler to me that you make that noise and it. Yeah. And now you associate peanut butter sandwich with that noise and I. Act as I could really get any given time I smell like peanut butter appear. Glor axed me but I am hero that's good that the name of your memoir so yeah. Let her peer out the story of Whitney young and I love that are my album. To come out an album you'll regardless I hate she get a credit in their somewhere. Thank you aren't fantastic yeah. Hello. It is champagne from spare change what's happened and is dead ends and Whitney Young low you have make him weird noises this. Podcast so if you're in your twenties or thirties you probably have friends that are getting married. And probably. Are if you haven't already you may be asked to be in one of those weddings. And it can be released sneak in the expensive clean because it's legally a pain in the ass hats can be it it really can't because automatic most people automatically you say yes you're so weird and then without you say yes. Without checking your finances and without being like can I afford to be you know standing up in this wedding yeah that's. Without knowing anything about it or what's entailed rates list. Yeah it's the eyes and are expensive so that's we're talking about today were talking about some of the expenses you might incur being in a wedding. And how we might be able to save. On and I thought about this Tom originally because I am in another wedding this summer. And where you just and one I was in one almost a year ago as it was last Diaz last may okay and I was I was and one last June I was the best man how was the most expensive. Bomb. You might like screaming up. I actually did some research here on what the average man and woman spends being in the wedding party because the. Are different they are an IE. Figured this going in retail women just have so home I mean like parent make up alone and that you know all of that stuff I must. According to CU AE survey conducted by bus speed. The average cost of being a bridesmaid in the US is 15100 dollars. Now offer amendment. It's 837. And there's a really high high there's low blows like for women can be as low as 300 or as high as 3000. For men. It can be as low as 160 or as high as 2960. So there's a big range there. He had really depends on the factors of the when he probably I know he hasn't got married I was in his wedding his and his was the first one. On that one I think I probably spent a few hundred dollars I did a lot of and 800 something. No I may think it's family it tends to be cheaper for the participants for whatever reason like I mean if I don't know which appear in your. Uncle's wedding or something you know like Brett gonna pay for everything. Where is that your prince. Depends on like the bride because some brides will pay for pre everything now pay for the dressed nice they'll pay for hair and make up they'll help you and so then all you end up paying for is like the gift that you give them so. We'll be different dresses cool yeah I've never heard of that mind turn yeah yes it depends how much money you know if she comes from my your she makes a lot of money she comes from money the old money they. I mean you know if shortly differ parents are paying for it and they cut they have a lot of money Ian Ian on the mill fill up redneck right and it. We're talking about when you're in a letting where. You're not getting everything cover normal people yap and how you can attempts to knots. Go into financial ruin her and ducked and financial rail and ray as a result right. The dresses. I've never purchase address shockingly real. Riordan had half the yeah yeah yeah how much do those typically cost. Address was visit Louis for a wedding. Okay so in my friend's wedding I paid a 200 she was very. Not thrifty and wanna see thrifty but reasonable I think cheaper than I thought yeah I had 20200 is reasonable I think. You'd go any. Higher ends there I mean you know especially if it's addressing not. Can only air again consists to have yeah necessary perk up now from. And he's like most most weddings. Further dudes it's a rental tuxedo sure so eat you spend it's easily hundreds 150 bucks threats to exceed oh yeah and then you don't ever Torre you never worry about it ever again. Now in this situation this one that's coming up in August. This was a very different thing and I've that we that we did. Is Macy purchased our outfits for the guys all know and this is what sparked the whole idea was it actually saved us a lot of money. Hong so. This is. The August wedding. And typically pretty warm new mom and the guy who it's his wedding and I think he was thinking okay. Skies Mike accounts quade been outside the you know he's tuxedos right so they've mixed the whole idea of a Jack it's good there's no jacket. So what's his pants it's pants. Oh a nice white church so obese while a little that you can't see too much. Either. Thank I don't know anything grain I think well Andrei is like hey look at me hugs already and his black would be the best to a net dividend waxed hot to. And pledges attracts the sunlight doesn't. Or they donate that I don't wives' tale like no it's not a wife still I remember seeing in a science textbook in third grade but it still like they just remember that yeah. But I I happily get photographic memories on envisioning the page and I expect to 36 of course nobody I think that. I think that like if you the long sleeved shirt on. Eat a bit there. The amount that the color affects your hot in this is going to be marginal like it's not tied to a man who sometimes sweats for no reason you about sweating problem and that it's only in certain situations whatever else when I'm around apparently yeah well whenever you start to wrench it yours and stress me out yet. That's what it does. That's a whole side topic yet armed but it is its pants shirts. The suspenders actually suspenders I love to cool look like that Larry picture above and after a M ice. Cobalt blue. Oh tacked on and on so apparently JC Penney's and is awesome sale few weeks ago via any tax and ask all of us he said hey guys. Everything that we're gonna rants is actually crazy on sale right now JC Penney's. It's like 60% off think wells who is like if your comparable with that. You might wanna buy it yeah. You want to make sure we are all on the same page could you got to have everyone have the exact same color rate you know right of course most people care about that. On so so usually in the past I've spent. He was an average 120 got a tuxedo rent so rental that I never used ever again one time yes. This I spent 74 dollars. That includes tax no shipping because they shipped to the store oh my gosh I think and assure her pants it's not have suspenders and have a blue bow tie which. Well where the perfect somewhere and perfect that is Gracie and you're dealing with somebody who actually cares about your finances which is buried. Generous this tendency to thrifty is grades and a lot of people. Don't care as much about that well and they get into this is more I think I think more of a bride's thing where. They just get into that mindset of this is my special day and come hell or high water you're gonna do what I say yeah just like you'd like you may mean not. As except that you make me not wanna make this your special day when you that way ray you know it's just laugh and what I wrote. Like if I'm invited to be in a wedding party which is a great honor and everything I asked unlike while this is so great you know like I love you as a friend for asking me on so I would I would never say no. What you. As the person who is it is there waiting to try to keep in mind. Debt like these people are gonna pay for these things right for you regardless turn right now right so so keep you keep it. Thrifty when you can't. Exactly also we have some hacks. When it comes to look. Dealing with the various hurdles that you're going to face when you write our you know when your offered this like. I get it we get it's a huge honor and you definitely you know you don't wanna come off as ungrateful or something by its. You do need to protect yourself and your your do you need to be assertive about what you can afford he'd be is such an entire budget so. Number one when you're asked to be a bridesmaid or grooms men I think the first thing is figure out what you actually can't afford what your budget is for everything and this includes. Like for women and you say dress shoes hair make up day nails. Bachelor party bachelorette. Gift bridal shower bridal shower gift to wedding gift wedding accommodations everything figures and figures into the spot yet. He's just your same fear that up before you say yes I think so I don't see. Here's the thing is I don't think I a if I'm even considering seen no it's probably not someone to close with. Like that this is on synch like when my best friend asked me to be in her wedding of course. This was my first time so I know experience when them but of course I said yes right away because there's no way that I wasn't going to be. In her wedding of course I grew up with Eric but it's now moving forward if I never ask again by somebody else. I now know of that. It's very expensive and you need to know what he sneaks a lake. Maybe you can accept the offer but then but Wayne you accept the offer you need to tell them. List and I'm so grateful I'm so excited about this but do you need to know that I have some financial limitations I know this is an expensive things. You know I can't spend more than 800 dollars say. For whatever ray yeah I mean with with a guy on my best friend who got married last June. When I was the best man for a if I had had taken out a loan. To be in his wedding I would have done it like I really I there's no way I would have not done it painfully. Him and I are close range and Seymour you know that this other guy is gay married in August other big you know pass front of my and a getting married and I think all of us that for a group kind of know okay like this is brought kind of on this level of finances. Right we're not gonna you know have like a wedding in like you know wherever Mexico or tanks and decimation hurting breeze at all you know they're gonna be so so they know yet. And I'm wondering if you do have a really close friend that doesn't take into account for you are. As close as you think you are. That's what I was gonna say if they really want you to be a part of their day. And yet they're willing to see you again like. Hanna what is the term like. Driving through the mine utterly drags throughout and drag you through the mud yeah. I don't categorize it. That's what I'm saying sales. Yeah she's my whenever I dragged through the mud drive over the coals you know Jake we tried you're the call my I would I don't whenever whenever you get what I'm saying. To yeah Bennett they're not at. They're not great friend to begin with like maybe she need to kind of reassess the friendship if they don't mind. Sending you into that financial ruin that I was talking about earlier I mean as if you tell them hey lake. You know all I'm I'm in and I'm not in a great place right now financially or. I don't you know maybe have a very Condit candid conversations say listen I don't make as much as you do so my budget might. Lower that's a good way to do it you know simulated do it is I think you just flat out say now. And that friendships over. I'm not saying same Knoll. I'm just saying what songs you're you're seeing it because of those reasons yeah you know I just think you need to be very assertive about it because it's just it is a huge honor but. It's not they're not the friend that you thought they worry if they want you to compromise. You know to compromise your your well being and that way Piaf and be like hey I've just spent 3000 dollars on my wedding like they're not a good friend. There's an and I was shocked by because like I just told you like these these bodies have been in like I was so thought it was so awesome to be in them and I'm so grateful Frey on there have been heard. Bomb to my mother actually itchy red and dear Abby. So yet to get expert on where someone was out about how she is getting married and she asked her friends. But she basically she said will you be my wedding party to all these girls yeah. And she she was aware that a lot of people don't necessarily want to do it you know in such a cow left at like but it's okay if you don't want him you know okay. And nobody had what one person. Was lecture. Us I think I think a lot of times people don't really wanna do it so if you if you leave it gives them the option to go out and make it you know. Make it sound like it's okay she dozen people early wanna be weddings as much I wonder if maybe I'm the exception where I really love it. I I. I would say don't do that yeah because. You want these people there this it's an obligation I agree and off track but I. I saw on the scene I think that's very yeah I think that's very interesting I think down. And I am trying to think like I put myself in the situation you know whenever I get married. Selig I'm pragmatic enough that I would tell. The friends that I am asking I idols like I say listen. This is around how much you're gonna be spending let me know you know if that's gonna be a problem at least you know text me separately and we'll talk it out I would wanna be sensitive. To people's finance. Solve everything dropped if you overdo it then people like it if so it last year he had said hey united should be our wedding. I needs to be and it's going to be 500 dollars. Blake or you know can you spend. 200 dollars on the pastor party or whatever which actually went below probably yeah. What a comeback milky did you want fifty. You know great because like of course ever lots of budgeting is lower but you just kind of suck it up and do it. And and less in less you'd said hey grab the bachelor party in Miami yeah might have been like. Who Idaho like India. We'll searchers what I did my best friend had her that she did a destination. Bachelorette party up in Vermont. And IE. At that time I was I was sort of free lancing and so I just didn't have the financial wherewithal to make that trip. And so I just was like I'm sorry like I I can't you know I can't do it. Play it. Yeah I think the destination suck this hard and I think in general news they will elect I had another friend who is getting married at wasn't in the wedding party but she invited me the wedding invited me the bachelorette party in Mexico and I was like. I'd love it but don't. The money for that I mean that's so eighties use you told her now I tell you don't of the might forget and Atlanta still on the wedding without being at that these. Even the wedding either it was really not because I was. It just couldn't go because of a conflict. Yeah scheduling conflict gets going content and the role now. It worked out except I mean it was kind of like you know it was that was she doesn't live here were asked tough so. Almost lost the role of best man. On because there is a time where. I a source he was worried that I was gonna move for yeah this is there a time where whenever I was you know the US bond and he was like if you and a move mean. I can ask you. And her being like what I would make this we're told I'll make it work ahead he wanted but he wanted me to be there for like you know anything he needed you know. OK so I I'm so this is a funny that you brought this up is the same thing happened with with my friends who got married last year it was like she was like eight you know. IE are all throughout our lives growing up she had said that you know we were I was gonna be the maid of honor and she'd be the maid of honor at my wedding. You didn't you had a conflict for. No I went to this is when I was aggressively want a clear yet. So then when finally everything was coming together I lived in New York City at the time Lindsay she said. I'm sorry that my maid of honor I really want and my maid of honor to be local sol I'm gonna have to give that somebody else and I was. Well. Yeah. I made it works you but. But a lot of responsibilities. Exact and there's a lot of like you got a drop everything you're doing at a really high pressure like crazy job at the time where I was working ally he did it I understand no looking back. If one minute you're clearly making invitations again and Connor like your full being placed main road isn't. You have to be together to do a lot of that stuff and so for me to have been doing that from new York and she's you know here it just wouldn't of it wouldn't have been great so like now I get it. But it yet kind of harsh conversation tapped a tough conversation to have congress especially when asked do with the money he had but I. So now moving forward I have some other little hacks now these are women so I'm sorry you're not can't get it you can't apply these but sun. Things you can do is ask the bright pure bridesmaid. If she would consider our and you know you could be careful about this but if she would consider. Giving the bridesmaids a color and a style for dresses and saying. You can choose your own dress it just has to match this aesthetic is that there a lot of a lot of brides are doing that these days people on interest at. Which I learned that don't dale we have. Seen a lot of that where they have different designs yeah does that really matter now and I actually think it looks kind of like. Sister lives you know why they do it I just learned the other day when I and I know I forgot China I forgot so. There might be other reason it was a bad spirits when there was one of them with Matt with a masters also on they wanted all the bridesmaids to dress the same. As the Bryant just in case like someone was gonna try and steal the high. That's about her. I don't quote me and that allowed a real I was gonna quote you ready luck for yet ray in outlook you're Alan Peter but yeah. Exactly. We yet just that crazy so that's why that's why you don't have bridesmaids the really cool ways. So we don't need to do that anymore let's move mines you don't need that yet and that way you can buy something that fits your budget you can buy something you're gonna where did it all works out a win win win. I play this too is I have one suits. That I really like it's faded lake it's this is the blue when you're the ones can afford it to something yeah because it's unknown assailant protect the suit. Bomb so I look good in that suit the pattern that suit that I do in tuxedos yeah. You know taxi those are hard because it. They're Boxee. You really you know I mean you really got to get a wealth fitted tuxedo it's a few and I feel better in that Sudan finally got used tuxedo and now it's a just let me Wear my my suit that. You know you know hole. Power for everything that every formal picture. Is like the same suit like it's it's hard to tell it was it a different day. Cartoon character and have a one outfit Evans is here it is closer. Yeah. Well OK so now another thing again this doesn't apply to guys are you to Evans but. Do your own hair and make up on wedding day concede you like a 150 cents I didn't know that was like our requirement to. In all the hair styles the same. No they don't have to feel the same a lot of brides and packed my friend did this where she let me or she let all of us choose our own hairstyle and whatnot but. Still a. OK we have to do them too I know that I know yeah it's means going to get their hair did an anti handling. The adjustment fund that everyone wanted to do is out of really requirement. Looks fun but it usually the bride wants you to do that because then everybody looks good in the photos did you have someone who like. Either doesn't do their make up well or doesn't do enough to make up or whatever and then train wreck in the pictures though that's for sure it's it's best alike yet let them do here hair and make up. If you don't again if you wanna pay for that I recommend. And actually did my own make up for my friend's wedding but I got my hair done. And IE look at ten tryst and YouTube tutorials in the weeks prior and I kind of did a practice. Of like bridesmaid make up kind of late you know fast enough month kind of fresh mound now on I. Yes it is but. Talking to someone who I don't natural Atalanta and to make a pretzel like the matter is make up the does make a different surprise may need miss they're absolutely you're faced with different. Yeah your bridesmaids and if your normal person at the wedding. Well. You look I think you probably look a little bit more done up than a normal attendee because you have an ABBA. Just more makeup on but it. You make up. Like for instance you're probably as a bridesmaid you're probably not connect public in the smoky guidance dark red eye shadow and hacking or eunuch replica. I don't know anything sultry it's kind of a hole some luck. That's what I but that's not college entrance so practiced that on you know try to practice that if you're not gonna make up than I guess just fork out the money but right yeah. He did it yourself let's oppressive. The president and yet and so another. Huge. Expense can be the gift. Yes and you and I disagree a little bit on this continent where so what I typically do and there's a simple reason whereas I was just say a hundred bucks. People hit it should be worth a hundred bucks and if I get some vin on the registry that's like let's say 53 dollars you know I'll throw fifty bucks in the card to the reason I do that is because. That covers the cost of the plate. OK you know of the hat and you know I disagree if you. Because you were saying that you own palm won't tell me a dozen women generally spend 650. Dollars more on average than men so raise social bridal shower to rest so out. This is I did give the scene. Price gifts typically whether I'm in the wedding party or not okay so that's a manageable right so so women maybe you were in the bridal shower. OK so fine you know bring some in last split up. Looks because we have to do that's lightly I say we are due money part of them that you that because the bridal shower we that you know the bridesmaids a lot of time will. Put that on an if you rent out a venue or space if to pay for the spaceship to get decoration easier to get food like there's all the and then there's the bridal shower gift itself. Yes and the by the way social and that we talk about to counter that the guys to have to pay for is becoming more more commented to a stag party. And that's a priority to stag party to raise money for the weddings right to do this for the best man I was part of my job to make this whole thing happen. So I had to find a venue and basically it's you you it's just dudes ray yeah you go there and there's beer and food. And there's raffles for stuffs yet to get raffle prizes is that it's pain yes yeah converts to commit more more common to do that. Had been in weddings where they've done just that stag party he said and and maybe offer commanders after and that's the best of our chancellor or for this the one last year we did bowl there was actually two separate. It was one night was a bachelor party went to Canada yeah and the next night was a sad parting was at a raising money cut back. Yeah so yeah so they're they're our expenses like that to be up guys. I think as you were your saints a lot of money especially if you're in their the wedding party as bridesmaid. But again it is about the couple and your credit when winds are really expensive so even if even if I bought. You know if I had gone to the bridal shower for some weird reason yap and beat until his gets are no perfect the way you last year was 83 dollars a person yeah. And they had 200 guests. That's crazy yeah. So that's why I figured OK I don't you start out your marriage in debt. You know. You got caught my heart I'm sorry that's their I'd hate the UI yeah. A 30000 or forty out of fifty doesn't whatever dollar wedding I hear about this like I personally. I ain't plans you have a let's go on an intimate wedding let's say like around the fifty person mark. Let go some were pretty have a nice day I don't it's for me it's not about the show of at all the soap you not a big chill that's great it's. Authentic and really into hundreds allotment it wasn't like this crazy. But that's more than fifty people I know four times I sorry about you know I agree to on this were like oh what I say yeah I wedding needs good food good people open bar. It's Ali is that what you always say. I sit at least twice Tia you've never soda since you had two weeks ago on the morning show impact pocket she put she's hiding under her skirt. I'm getting I'm getting frazzled cycle my scarf of the I have so I'm happy to be cheap and you can get forty dollars or you know I can remain friends with the. Embraer you know you can do something thoughtful give them you know what I did for my best friend was in the the other bridesmaids and I we all put together this really. Beautiful like cry were the scrap but now it's nice that is nice. All we all wrote heartfelt letters always better to decent and awful exactly I mean I would. But so much rather get that there is no present there is no get like some registry item only want this wooden bowl from Bed, Bath & Beyond. That's never gonna measure up to how we know. And photos and scrapbook from all my best friend is. Yes it's amazing it's the easiest because I can paper are two things here too now to questions fantastic about some of myself. I. So one thing is is our our wedding registry is not the most ridiculous thing ever where would you go on there it's like. You don't this I don't do you need so that I want to wedding recently and on there I think it was they wanted Blake. Twelve champagne flutes and what you don't need a little like if you don't need personal and you can't pamphlets and if you do you really. It is but you have a New Year's party every year because I buy it for you I'm gonna be invited to New Year's party. And it better be drinking champagne of that that she. Came from surging hey ray I'll wedding registries of breed gluttony they do because I need a guy that's me that's right. Win your life had you ever got myself a bull a Butler. Well. Well at the counter argue that. I did need a mother because I went through a phase over the summer where I was made a lot of cocktails. But I own damn modular so we need to be as a Haas when he gets put doesn't really matter anyway. There's also a five bucks so we're getting really counteract it doesn't matter so if you through with his wedding they want they had several. Salt and pepper shakers on the there was a normal one and there was one shaped there was a white elephant with his son and a black elk emerges pepper and what I'm not IMAP for got a principal. You know what I got my best friend down. I got redeem most. Practical gifts you can get your best friends. And you tell you the quick back story sleeping over my house over the years she would keep really at night with her breeding she breeds like Chucky from the rug rats when she's living in like. Parts cluster that was scary right so well. She in her registry asked for a clear attendant allergy parallel. It was like 3999. Don't you got your allergy pill now you can breed and the best friend ever that's good that's a thoughtful gift is about the gas thoughtful and it was you know it was on the cheaper and it was forty dollars but at that point I was like. I was emotionally physically and financially bankrupt to sell and morally. More video itself. This is not too off topic this is do you think he's innocent people do this more and more to come in more more comment. Is it weird or rude or not cool to say hey instead of buying me a gift for my wedding. Can you please maybe. Donate some money towards our honeymoon or is it charity. He's so Jenner LB so yeah those are the people that you know they pay for your make up in your yes. As okay they have the money on no like to pay for the honeymoon or maybe put help us pay for the house or something that ticket people asking for money. But it obviously every get really sick of apple as the dollar amount that you're gonna give. You know recently 4050 bucks for wedding present it up naked or. 5050 because and yet the bridal shower that was another fifty so it's like your hundred dollars you were talking about so what's the difference between given them some then or just. You don't say here here's your. Have a great honeymoon I hope this helps. Thoughts. Thoughts you don't like it I can tell are you asking me doctors yet as I'm on the fence about him. Eighty it's bad idea I'm just overall. I'm just kind of sick of in this teenage because if you millennia olds are. You know what we are we are. Pursuing our career first and then getting married later so they're a different place than people work. 253050. Years ago where they got married right out of high school or right out of college or went to college. It's a different time we actually have money now and I don't like the whole lake ample aren't paid for my wedding and honeymoon. Student loans and methods and well. You know another thing too we also a lot of us have things right so if you got married right out of high school. You probably didn't have a blender I had to wonder I don't need yeah I get married like always this. Tiny magic bullet thing that I used like I loved the bullet I love in the senate. Free plug for no magic ball exactly to why is that also not good anymore I need a replacement. No I don't rates and maybe if you if you like to get something. How we have veterans you know. Couple. Is that where you wanted to know I don't know about where this theory like Sheen Laguna Beach I don't know. But again like a Laguna Beach they went to dot Koppel a lot of tough guy forget where that yeah it's my and that's what. We'll gray hats Whitney thank you very great absolutely anytime. Any time and your far beautifully not to be invited to my wedding. I'm gonna be invited anyone's letting after that's. And my friend is gonna regret ever having me in her is there a good puzzle that I assumed like I'm getting married now for all.