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Mike Danger

Afternoons:
3:00 - 7:00pm
Posts from May 2011


Come to our wedding!
Hope you all enjoyed your long holiday weekend.

Our weekend kicked off with a wedding.  Sandy's college roommate got hitched to a guy who looked suspiciously like Chris Daughtry.


OMG! Congratulations!

While I'm extremely happy for the newlyweds, being at their weeding allowed me to make some general observations.  Some of these may sting, but they are the truth.  I was live tweeting at this wedding, and I may have been a little foggy at the time, so bear with me...

Weddings always happen when you don't want them to happen:
Memorial Day Weekend? Let's do a wedding!  It's OK, our friends will drop everything to celebrate our special day! Hope you weren't planning to relax! You have vacation plans?! Well, guess what!? Your vacation plans now include beautiful Rochester, New York! BTW, I'm totally guilty of this (See: Labor Day 2002).

The bridesmaid dresses will NOT be flattering:
Let's face it.  It's impossible to make everyone in your bridal party happy.  One bridesmaid wants a dress that will take attention away from her huge ass.  The Maid of Honor wants a dress that will cover her shoulders.  I won't lie.  It doesn't matter.  I can't tell if they're in a wedding or the starting Offensive Line for the Bills.  The next flattering bridesmaid dress I see will be the first. 

Wedding DJ's are atrocious:
It's a tough job.  I get it.  I've DJ'ed weddings before.  I prefer being a broadcaster.  Again, you can't make everyone happy, but the music of the evening sets the tone.  Most wedding DJ's can't mix chocolate milk.  No, I don't want to "make some noise" while you're playing "Let's Get Loud" by Jennifer Lopez.  Oh, you're going to play "Baby Got Back"? Well, that's appropriate I guess.  Let's get the entire bridal party to the dance floor!   What do you mean, you don't have any Ying Yang Twins!? Let's get crunk up in this bitch! Bee Gees? Cool.  "Everybody in the house, come on and let me hear you say 'hoooo!'"  *crickets* 
Gotta quote my Twitter buddy 
Men hate dancing.  The "Cha-Cha Slide" is not happening.  Better find one of your "besties" for that.  Oh, look! She's doing the "Vogue"! It's a Lady Gaga song, but...same diff, right?!  Here comes the guy who can't hold his liquor! Wow! He's assaulting anyone he makes eye contact with on the dance floor!  He has no rhythm! Wait, is he having a seizure?!  The wedding dance floor sucks.  Except that...

I'm only in it for the sex:
What's that? A slow dance? IN!  Now you're talking my language!  Listen, babe.  If we leave now, we can bang and be asleep by midnight.  Whattaya say?  I gotta admit, I love the slow dance.  It gives me a chance to get close to my beautiful wife. Or, "that skinny bitch" as every other female at this wedding calls her.
 
There will be a photo booth.  There will be a line.
I've been to multiple weddings that host their own photo booths.  Love the concept.  Hate the execution.  There's ALWAYS a line.  The negative is, you're waiting in line for an hour.  The positive? Well, you're probably not hearing the DJ asking people to "put their hands up" to "Cotton Eye Joe".  It's a wash, I guess.  Hopefully, the photo booth is a self contained unit.  You would hope most people can understand the concept of sitting, smiling, and retrieving their pictures.  This particular wedding was home to the "World's Angriest Photo Booth Attendant".  He was frazzled.  I'm sure I would have been too, after having to explain how it works to Aunt Emilia for the 17th time.

I'm your bartender.  And I hate you.
You want top shelf?  This is open bar, pal.  Take it up with the happy couple.  Oh, you're ordering for your wife.  How sweet.  Let me just mix up a rotgut Island Breeze for her.  "Cuz?" Did you just call me "cuz"? You're lucky you only ordered a bottle of beer.  If I had to mix a drink for you, you'd better believe I'd spit in it.  Don't forget to tip, Mister Blister!

What do you mean I'm under-dressed?
Every wedding has that one guy.  Either he's late to the reception or just completely oblivious to his level of douchebaggery, but he's grossly under-dressed.  No, flip flops are not considered proper evening wear.  Nice denim shorts though.  Did you just finish mowing a lawn? Come on, man.  Join us in our misery.  Dress up.

So, think twice before you make that major investment.  There's a lot of money on the line and odds are long that it will all be worth it in the end.  If you want my advice, do what I tell my daughters...Elope.
 (5) Comments
Tags :  
People: Chris Daughtry




 
Perspective
I got a call from my Dad last night. 

He lives just outside of Joplin, MO where a tornado left the area in ruinsThe hospital where he has been getting treatment for his Pulmonary Fibrosis? A disaster.  Houses...gone.  A town of 50,000+ people totally devastated.  As if that wasn't enough, my Step-Mother received a call earlier in the day letting her know that her Grandson was killed in a car accident. 

Not a great day, to be sure.  In a flash, lives have been changed forever.

I feel completely helpless.  I want to help.  Texting REDCROSS to 90999 is the least anyone can do to aid those affected.  The comforts of our daily lives, something as simple as a roof over your head, are gone for many of these people.  

Look around.  Hug your kids.  Don't take anything for granted.  Put aside your petty gripes and differences.  We're only here for a short time.  Let's make the most out of each day.

When you think about it...

We've got it pretty good.


 (5) Comments
Tags :  
Topics: Disaster_Accident
Locations: Joplin




 
You've got a flat head!
I like to think I'm a pretty good parent.  Take the other day, for example.  I took a few minutes to teach my girls how to crush heads.  


Where do you idiots come from to get your head so terribly crushed?
 (2) Comments


 
Mighty Taco!
MIghty Taco is coming to Rochester!

420 Jefferson Road (how perfect is that address, btw?).

What does this mean to you?  I don't know if I can put the greatness of Mighty Taco into words.  It is, in my opinion, a superior taco.  You've had a variety of different tacos to be sure.  But if you have yet to partake in a Mighty Taco, well, you just haven't lived.

I have taken trips to Buffalo during the work day only to enjoy the greatness.  I have coerced friends and associates to act as a "Mighty Taco Vessel" delivering lukewarm tacos to our studios.  I made sure that my daughter had her first Mighty Taco experience last Summer post Black Eyed Peas concert.  She was 5.


Father of the Year

Welcome to Rochester, Mighty Taco.  I'll take a Mighty Pack, soft shells, sour cream and hot, with a Medium Loganberry. 
 (11) Comments




 
New Music Monday
A few new tracks for you to check out for NEW MUSIC MONDAY!

I like that one Nicki Minaj song where she does that funny thing with her voice.  


Jason Derulo is back.  At last count "Don't Wanna Go Home" features about 17 different samples.  It's cool though.  We like it.
 

Hey, Nicole Scherzinger is back! Who's Nicole Scherzinger? She's the lead Pussycat Doll, silly!  You know, Pussycat Dolls had some hits.  Nicole? Not so much.  Her new song "Right There" features 50 Cent.  I liked this song better when it was called "Rude Boy" by Rihanna, but that's just me.  

 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to wash my hands after viewing that video.  Damn, Nicole.  Eat a steak.  Next case.
 
 (3) Comments




 
Mother's Day
To all the mothers who listen to 98 PXY, I sincerely hope you had an exceptional Mother's Day.


Being a mom is SO worth it.  Deal with this now so you can get  a Hallmark card worth $1.99 and a half dozen roses when he becomes an adult.  Like I said, worth it.
 (4) Comments
Tags :  
Topics: Human Interest




 
Like Berney
There's a new dance craze breaking out of the South based on the movie "Weekend at Bernie's".


The Berney (sic) is where you just kind of dance as if you were a walking corpse, I guess.  I know I reminded you yesterday, but terrorism is alive and well, even if bin Laden is dead.
 (5) Comments
Tags :  
Topics: Human InterestPolitics
People: bin Laden




 
Royal Pain
Not everyone shares my enthusiasm for 98 PXY Summer Jam.


Credit:  Megan Carter

EDIT: Turns out that little brat wasn't a fan of Sunday night's events either...


 (2) Comments


 
Miley Butchers Nirvana
 
 
Miley performed in Lima, Peru this past weekend.  Honestly, Miley.  Our ears deserve more. 
 

I know we got bin Laden, but terror is still alive and well.
 (1) Comments


 
USA! USA!

We got him. 

Whenever the President speaks, I hear what he's saying, I just interpret it differently.  I always envision our political leaders and their speeches like a professional wrestling promo.  For example, last night, to announce that we found and killed the man responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent human beings...



*Obama comes out to 'I Am A Real American' by Hulk Hogan, grabs the mic*

How was everyone's weekend? Mine was good.

Hey, Donald Trump, get any leads on my college transcript? I remember struggling with trig.

George W. Bush said he wanted him dead or alive. Dead, it turns out. Hahaha!

We are gathered here in praise of...me! I did it! I did it! Wooo!

Fox News, look on the bright side, you just got 4 more years of great ratings.

Ann Coulter! For all you transvestites out there, she's a big deal, but she's not the champ!

Now let's move forward, to the serious republican candidate. The Mormon. Who loves and implemented my healthcare plan. *pours champagne*

Back to back, baby!  Two terms! Jesus saves! Jesus saves! He is lord! He is risen honey!

For everyone who wants some, my next fundraiser will have 'Osama's Dead' t-shirts in the lobby.

Rush Limbaugh, I've got the title for your next book: 'Yeah, but...'

Joe Biden, you there? You want to add anything? Kidding.

Now, I really hate to stop the coverage of William and Kate for a moment, but we killed the master terrorist of the largest attack on US soil. Stay down, England.

I'm the real king! I'm the king! I run the world! I got a big house, on the big side of town! Gators on my feet! Rolex on my wrist!

Hey, I'd love to talk about this all day but I have to act like I care or can do anything about those tornadoes.

I might get 35 percent of the vote in Oklahoma now! Custom made from head to toe!

If you had May 1st, 2011 for 'day Fox News says something resembling a compliment' go pick up your money.

In closing, The Dow is almost at 13, Bin Laden is dead, my opponent is Mormon. Michelle, get over here! *does a body shot*

Woooooo!


I see no reason why this man can't run for office

 (0) Comments




 
New Music Monday
Some new tracks for you to check out as you get your week started:


David Guetta featuring Flo-Rida and Nicki Minaj-Where Dem Girls At


 

It's 2011, so by law, Nicki Minaj needs to be on a new track.  Nicki Minaj is to 2011 what Lil' Wayne was to 2009.  This is a totally new and inventive sound for Guetta.  Kidding.  It sounds just like "Sexy Chick".  That said, I really like it.  What can I say? When Guetta comes with a strong beat, Flo-Rida's rapping about hoes in the club, and NIcki Minaj is doing that silly thing with her voice, it's hard to be mad.


Cody Simpson-On My Mind
 

I've gotta be honest.  The new single from PXY Summer Jam artist Cody Simpson was nothing like what I expected.  Where I was expecting a really young sounding Justin Bieber knock off, instead I hear what Justin Timberlake sounded like early in his career.  Will Cody duplicate Timberlake's success? Not likely.  But, this single is so much more mature than I anticipated, I was pleasantly surprised.

Some other songs I like right now:

I like that one song Pitbull is on.
That song where Kanye raps about himself is pretty good.
There's a song where Eminem sounds angry.  Outstanding.
That Kesha song that sounds like Lady Gaga that sounds like Madonna is really good.
The one song that Taylor Swift sings about getting screwed over by a guy is top-notch. (Thanks Lindsey!)
Oh, and I like that song from the person who was on American Idol, too.  I can't remember.  I think it was about love.
 (0) Comments




 
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