Everyone is in an absolute PANIC over the Swine Flu.Â TRUE STORY: Sandy's sister visited Cancun recently.Â She returned with a gift shop T-shirt for my daughter.Â Yesterday, she decided she wanted to wear it to school.Â I get a call from the school about an hour after I dropped her off letting me know she threw up in class.Â So there's the visual.Â A kid wearing a Cancun Mexico t-shirt, puking in a room full of kids!
She's fine by the way, and no, she DOESN'T have Swine Flu.Â That being said, I think I'll keep her away from any petting zoos for a while.
Can you say that the first thing you heard this morning was a conversation on the radio about your sexual organs?
My junk took the stand this morning with Spezzano and Sandy as the topic of vasectomies was discussed.
We're expecting our second child.Â When it's all said and done, I will be more than happy with all that we have.Â Whether we have a boy or girl, I can say with certainty that I won't want to add any more kids to our family.Â That being said, I'm not sure why I should go in for "the procedure."
A big part of my hesitation is due to the fact that no one has given me a great reason to get it done.Â Sandy's reasoning?Â And I quote..."If I'm going to go through the pain of having two of your kids, it's the least you can do!"
So, me icing my satchel for a week is her idea of a benefit.Â Nice.
My dad had 4 kids in his first marriage.Â If he had agreed to getting snipped, I wouldn't be here today! I'm not saying that I'll never get it done, but why?Â Sell me on the benefit.Â To this point, no one has been able to.
It's no secret that Sandy has been extra frugal with our spending for the last few weeks.Â But I never thought it would come to this.
As you may have read here yesterday, I want to run another marathon.Â The Buffalo marathon is in May, and I was itching to run in it.
Quick aside.Â You should know that I am very goal oriented.Â If presented with a challenge I have to beat it.Â I had a blast training for, and running in, the Rochester Marathon a couple of months ago.Â Now, I'm on to the next challenge.Â Buffalo.
The conversation went like this...
Me: So, I talked with John H. at DFC.Â We both thought it would be killer if we ran the Buffalo Marathon in May.
Scrooge:Â Yeah, about that.Â We need to cut back on how much money you're spending on you're races.
Me: *picking my jaw up from the floor* But, it's all for charity.
Suze Orman: Do you know how much money we spent on races this year?
Me:Â Well, I guess while we're at it, we might as well cancel Christmas too.
That last line didn't go over very well.Â The scene is tense in Grilton, my friends.Â Some things I thought about doing in order to cover the exorbitant $40 it would cost to pre-register...
Sell my blood
Start a drug cartel
Any other ideas?Â I am so very open to suggestions...
I'm going to do it.Â About 2 months after running my first Rochester Marathon, I find myself missing the training that goes with it.Â Rather than wait until next September to run another marathon, my fitness guru, John H. from Downtown Fitness Club, has convinced me to do 26.2 in May.Â Wish me luck![kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/_4gU5eB8NvA" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]
If Spezzano and Sandy's Moose ever decided to off himself, it won't happen by squeezing a trigger, swallowing pills, or jumping off The Freddy-Sue bridge.
No, I believe this is what could lead to Moose's demise:
In case you can't see the highlight, that would be 3500 milligrams of cholesterol.Â Pork Brains could just be the death of Moose.
Ashleigh just left me the following comment:
"Danger, I need you to write a new blog. I need something to comment on, Iâm missing it. Iâm almost tempted to write a new blog for my Facebook, just to get the writing bug out of my systemâ¦I have so much going on I canât focus for that long right now, and your daily musings are usually perfect.I need to agree, disagree, be condescending, or nice and down right opinionated about something!!!"
First off, thanks for the kind words.Â The truth is, I may be a bit fried.Â Not really creative, to be honest.Â But I'll try to please.Â Writing without a specific topic in mind might actually spark something.Â Here's a glimpse into what's rolling through my mind...right now.
Rochester Marathon is Sunday.Â I'm running it.Â 26.2 miles.Â You won't be hearing me on Monday.Â Seriously.
Sandy and I are going to a wedding Friday night at Turning Stone.Â This might be the shortest reception ever.Â "Alright, cut the cake already!Â I gotta hit the tables!"
My daughter just called me asking if I would buy mommy a "tympani necklace".Â I think she meant to say Tiffany necklace.Â Either way she is an assasin, because I am actually thinking about buying Sandy a necklace on my way home from work.
Fall means sports.Â I can't get enough.Â Football started last weekend.Â The Bears looked like pure evil (again), and I couldn't be happier about it.Â Baseball is wrapping up, and The Cubs look to be headed to the playoffs.Â So much action.Â And, my Fantasy Football team?Â 1-0 thank you very much!
I don't want a mini van.Â I don't want anything that remotely resembles a mini van.Â I know Sandy doesn't want one either, but she can be very indecisive, and if someone tells her one more time how "practical" a mini van is, I am worried she may change her mind.
I need to rethink my Sunday afternoon strategy.Â Leah ripped my heart out Sunday night.Â After a full day of watching football with my buddies, she says as I tuck her in, "Daddy, I don't like when the boys come over because you don't play with me."
And to top it off I missed a defensive touchdown while she was saying this to me!
I keed, I keed.Â Play=love for a kid.Â I know this.Â I'm going to make an effort to pay more attention to her on Sundays.Â Or, I'm going to get her into watching football with the boys.Â Whatever is easier.Â I think we all know what the outcome will be here.
2 movies coming out I want to see.Â "My Best Friends Girl" looks funny based on the red line trailer I saw online.Â I was a big Dane Cook fan when he first came out, but his movies have really looked crappy to this point.
"Choke" is one of my favorite books ever.Â The movie adaptation opens later this month.
I think I have to leave Sandy at home for this one.Â Oh, and I still haven't seen "The Dark Knight" and I have "American Gangster" from my Netflix just collecting dust.
Politics...that's a whole different story for a different day.Â My head may just explode.
What's the appeal of popping a zit on your man's back?
As a guy, I might get excited over a free buffet of chicken wings and beer.Â But, as a woman, you get excited over a whitehead on your man's shoulder.Â Help me understand.
If you have ever to offered to do this for your guy you have no doubt uttered the words, "Let me get this one, it is so ready."
If it's so ready why are you drilling at it for fifteen minutes to the point where my shoes are filled with blood?
Then, (this is the best) if your man offers to pop one on you, the response is always the same.
"It's not good to pop zits."
A few weeks ago, I informed you of my addiction to "Zours", a candy that we have CASES of here at the station (for sampling purposes, obviously).
Many of you expressed concern. Â Some of you tried an intervention, warning me that "The Z" was simply a gateway candy.Â Today, you're popping Zours, tomorrow you've got a full blown "Fun Dip" addiction.
I just thoughtÂ I would share my progress with you today...
Umm, yeah.Â I'm a full blown addict.Â I need help.
Beer Pong gives you herpes.
Unprotected beer pong play is the cause of a significant increase in the transmission of herpes simplex virus-1 (HSV-1), which causes cold sores. According to the Center for Disease Control, reports of the virus are up 230-percent from 2007 in people ages 17 to 21, and itâs all from sharing cups. Because of the dramatic increase in the illness, universities and parents are beginning to take notice.
âThis epidemic is something we should pay close attention to. Weâre aware that we cannot outright prevent [beer pong], so we have provided new red cups available to all students in the dorms,â said President of Arizona State University, Michael M. Crow.
And you can always play a different game. According to CDC spokesman, Dr. Cole Desorio, âFlip cup is great because each individual has their own cup. If itâs absolutely necessary to play beer pong, use the waterfall method. Many young adults, when asked if they practice safe pong, responded that they rinse the ball after it bounces off the table.â
First of all, itâs awesome that a doctor at the CDC knows what âwaterfallâ means. Second, how f**king dumb do you have to be to think that washing off the ball is going to make a herpes-lick of difference when it comes to spreading diseases from one person to the next. Câmon people, youâre smarter than that! You know, or notâ¦
I was watching the Yankees while running last night and didn't recognize this man:
It's Yankees slugger Jason Giambi.Â Sporting a mustache.Â Not sure why, but he just became more bad ass than ever.Â Unless you're a cop or state trooper, it's nearly impossible to pull off the look.
Some people can...
Some people can't...
Some should never try to grow one again...
No matter what, the 'stache deserves respect and should be feared at all times.
Last year I ran the Rochester Half-Marathon. Naturally, progression would have me running the full marathon in September. I've been training for some weeks now and have decided...Rather than run the marathon, I shall ruin the marathon.
I mean, what's easier? Running 26.2 miles on a Sunday morning, or practicing handing out cups of vinegar to the race front runners?
Don't get me wrong, ruining a marathon will be hard work. Chipping potholes throughout the course with a pickax is labor intensive. But endurance ruining is all about pushing through the pain.
My training starts bright and early with a full breakfast of espresso, some diet pills, and a small bag of rock candy. It keeps me edgy and volatile when I'm in the thick of disrupting a tight race. Alsoâand I can't stress this enoughâit's very important to stretch properly before and after yelling derogatory remarks at Kenyans. You don't want your legs cramping up on the way to the escape route.
After you've been ruining a marathon for a couple hours, your body will just take over and you won't even realize that you're spoiling the day for everyone. I call that getting in the "ruiner's zone." It's like my arms and legs could just keep dumping buckets of cooking oil off a 490 overpass forever. When you get there, more than ever, it's important to keep focused and not let your mind wander. You've got a lot of race to wreck, and you've got to keep your mind sharp for what's coming up ahead.
It's good to make a checklist in my mind, so I don't get distracted on race day. Are there any cables or streamers around that I can use as trip wires? Do I hip-check the guy in front of me or stop abruptly and trip up the three people behind?
If I make all the right decisions, and really push myself, I could ruin this marathon in record time.
I've been setting small, manageable goals for myself, starting with printing out "Marathon Continues to the Right" signs and pasting them up by the on-ramp to the interstate. Once I'm comfortable with that, I'll work my way up to a larger goal, like loading up on carbs and dairy so I can vomit all over the finish line.
Race day is coming. No more excuses. No more letting my own fears, or Sandy's sobbing pleas, or the combined efforts of city and state law enforcement agencies get in the way of me accomplishing my goal. No, sir. Not this time.
I've trained too hard for that.
How can this...
Or, *puke* this...
It happens when you get addicted to what you think may be a good thing.
In this case I'm talking about Botox and/or plastic surgery.
I am 100% anti cosmetic surgery.Â Now, I'm not heartless.Â If you need reconstruction surgery or if you have to go under the knife to save your life, I get it.
What I don't get is the "cosmetic" part of cosmetic surgery.Â I can see getting it done once or twice (see pic 1), feeling like it's doing something for you so you go in more often (pic 2), until you're a full blown addict looking like pic 3.
Sandy wants to get rid of a couple of wrinkles around her eyes and asked if she could go in for botox.
Guess how that went over with me.
Am I in the wrong for preventing her from doing something cosmetic that may boost her self esteem?Â Do I just not get it because I'm a guy?